just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
