The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
