Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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