I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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