Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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