it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
