Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
