he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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