Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
