Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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