I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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