i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
