um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
