I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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