Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
