found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
