And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
