You can't special order awesome
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
