Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
