She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
