i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
