officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
