got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
