And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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