its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
