he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
