Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
