youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
