checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
