It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
