Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
