You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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