marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
