Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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