We're facebook friends in real life
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
