she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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