my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
