I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
