Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
