There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
