I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
