Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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