I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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