We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
