One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
