i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
