when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
