I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
