I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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