You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
