I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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