i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
