All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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