We're facebook friends in real life
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
