Can Purell be used as lube?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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