If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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