when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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