pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
